Though we may feel gratitude, the experience of real connection isn’t instant gratification. Busy, busy and ultra-connected… yet some maintain both an online and personal presence, with balance. But does this matter? [Read more…]
Guest author Matthew Snider is a writer, a personal development junkie and a regular blogger at Self Development Secrets. Matt, with his one quarter Asian descent, did not start out as a writer, but he says, “the love for a subject is the most important aspect of writing. The readers want to read something written by someone who understands them.” [Read more…]
The legacy effects of our current parenting skills will only be fully appreciated once our children have matured. Then, the positive – and less positive attributes we have taught will be that legacy. This week, guest writer Hilary Smith shares her research and views on this most valuable of topics. [Read more…]
The majority of clients I work with are adults suffering emotional turbulence associated with anxiety and low self-esteem, often inherited as a direct result of parenting styles. When we think of the ’emotional neglect’ of our children, we may envisage a rundown home, drugs, violence, or abuse – and while these may well be causal factors for many, others will come from what might be observed as “good homes, normal parents”. Our guest author, Helen Weir, covers The Hidden Parenting Problem.
The Stable Home
‘Tom’ was brought up in a stable home; his parents stayed together, they fed him, clothed him, took him to the doctor when he was ill. They helped him with his homework, they bought him presents at Christmas, they never abused him in any way. Yet, as an adult, he feels that there’s something intrinsically missing from his life. [Read more…]
We are in the midst of a new paradigm with our responsibilities for our children and their welfare. The ability to ‘be online’ brings many benefits for learning – and a different kind of connectedness.
And with these responsibilities comes a need to encourage a balance of exposure and use.
As parents, we are no different from kids in some respects! We too, especially in ‘our’ busy, connected lives will also look towards paths of least resistance. Perhaps this can lead to a sense of relief having a 21st-century ‘soother’ to placate our kids while we relax/work or other? [Read more…]
Studying, wherever or whatever the educational environment, is nothing new yet the pressures today have arguably never been so intense. So how CAN WE reduce the associated stress, anxiety, depression and other turbulent symptoms before they become embedded and define our lives?
We cannot rely on others for our happiness, we have a choice to own some accountability!
Taking Responsibility
Meditation is one important way we can reduce and remove stress, replacing it with a dose of inner peace. However, it can be a challenge to meditate without a guide. Guided meditations literally walk you through and help you find a calm and peaceful state, one step at a time. I’ve created something here for you to complement this post.
Take just 13 minutes to find some peace and become more grounded. This will enable you to get the day off to the best start, to re-set yourself during the day, or of particular benefit, last thing at night to aid with sleep. (Best listened to via earphones, click the player below.)
Top 10 Tips to Reduce Stress
1. Get more Productive & Focused – Studying and trying to focus for longer periods without a break increases the time taken to absorb information. Get away from the study area and practise a few minutes (or more) of being mindful. Use a breathing exercise and some centering thoughts before an exam – to focus just on one question at a time, not the outcome!
2. Grab Regular Breaks – Taking breaks each hour will increase your performance and allow the brain to absorb and ‘sort’ information already received. Set a timer to nudge you!
3. Get Playful – Manage fatigue by scheduling ‘play-time’ as well as rest or other down-time. Seven hours’ restful sleep is sufficient for many of us, despite the belief we might need Twelve!
4. Stay Hydrated – Avoid de-hydration if you want a clearer mind and to reduce the incidence of headache (dehydration being a common cause of headaches).
5. Alcohol – Another major contributory factor to dehydration is alcohol. Clearly downtime is often going to include alcohol consumption so do make sure you replace the elevated loss of vital fluids and electrolytes after the party! Do expect less optimal performance for that exam the morning after alcohol!
6. Eye strain – Look after your eyes, this is another limiting factor for some of us. I suffer dreadfully if I don’t take breaks to rest my eyes. Do make sure you’re on top of your eye health exams.
7. Exercise – Whether it’s simply 30 minutes per day, exercise such as walking, taking in the environment, swimming, going to the gym or other low / high aerobic impact activity, all will reduce the effects of anxiety and depression and provide a natural, healthy high.
8. Socialise – It can become too easy to become ‘hermit’ like and ‘veg out’ then study and ‘veg out’ again, losing touch with others. Try to stay connected. We unconsciously learn to gain understanding when others are feeling and thinking how we are – facing challenges and doubts.
9. Eat Healthily – Our fast-food friends make it all too easy to grab some junk food – and now and again, why not indulge? But our moods and foods are very much intertwined so, if you want optimal performance, look after your physical house with foods that make you feel good, and think well.
10. Perspectives – Much of our anxiety is around perceptions and cognitions. If we can come to our breath and body by way of a regular daily practise, we can retain a more realistic sense of our reality in this moment. Spending study and down-time ruminating over the potential for success or ‘failure’ (expectations not being met), serves only to distract you from what you are supposed to be doing!
I hope this goes some way to providing a measure of what can be possible while we attempt to reach our goals, and to live more optimally. For more advice via Skype or in-person, do call or write to me.
I’ll be creating more guided meditations in due course. If you enjoyed listening to today’s podcast, why not sign up to receive each one FREE, together with my fortnightly posts?
Having accepted the gift of guardianship and the role of parenting, are we paying enough attention to our children, who will then become what we have taught?
I’m coming clean and sharing with you right now; I am guilty, as a parent, of doing what I’m about to write about, and I can’t guarantee I won’t do these things again!
…and this may extend to other family members! An alarmingly high proportion of clients who engage with me for low self-esteem, depression and anxiety, share the theme ‘lack of permission’ to be ‘good enough’ and of value, as much as anyone else on this planet! So where does this originate from?
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