The Connected Parent – Part 2
In part one of The Connected Parent, we considered how we might be better engaged, or connected with our kids – and how easy it is to unwittingly dis-engage.
To recap:
- We can recognise that as the kids mature, we encourage their independence – but at times for our own ends!
- We can remind ourselves to pay attention, with sincerity, when our kids want to share or engage.
- We get to benefit when we pay real attention.
- Our kids, our legacy, is provided potential for a more balanced adulthood (higher esteem, confidence and self-secure).
- Chain Breaking: Did our parents, despite doing the best they could with what they knew create unhealthy behavioural patterns in us that we now need to choose to avoid continuance in the next generation?
- And that what we sow, we reap. Our kids will mimic the positive, but also the less positive, in us.
When we attend to much of the above – and are more ‘present’ and aware in our communications with our kids, we can be more open, and less anxious about encouraging true growth in them.
When our child begins to want to take responsibly for some choices, and decisions are to be made, it’s so, so easy to simply make the decision WE KNOW from our experience to be appropriate, without so much as sharing WHY. (Then we find ourselves wondering why they show no confidence!) Or, we could be encouraging the child to practise choices and decisions; to learn outcomes!
When we always know best, the child’s growth may be stunted.
If they haven’t tasted low-level consequence, how can they KNOW anything they do is safe. They’ve only got you’re usual word for it! If we truly engage by listening and paying genuine attention – with respect, patience and care, then they will trust in you; and perhaps more importantly, in themselves.
Then, what do they have to be anxious about other than that which is any real and present concern?
Many of us as adults carry anxieties today that are shadows of our past. Many of our reference points for when we are suffering emotional turbulence are skewed, out of context, and without true objectiveness. In simply demonstrating to this next generation (which encourages subsequent generations) a more balanced, compassionate and sincere respect with our kids, their needs and growth; we can leave a legacy that is timeless – and priceless.
It is never to late!
Have you ever shifted your attitudes and behaviours with your kids, and seen a difference? If it’s needed, give it a go.
Bob Brotchie is a counsellor, mindset consultant and creator of "Conscious Living by Design"™. He writes for Anglia Counselling, is featured on various other websites and introduces us to many guest writers all covering topics related to mental health and wellbeing.
Bob provides bespoke counselling services to individuals and couples in the privacy and comfort of a truly welcoming environment at his Anglia Counselling company office, located near Newmarket in Suffolk, England. Bob also provides professional online counselling, for local, national, and international clients. The therapeutic models offered are bespoke to the client’s needs, especially those in receipt of 'childhood emotional neglect' (CEN), whilst integrating a mindful approach to psychotherapy and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) principles. For clients experiencing trauma and/or phobia, Bob offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing).