It is never too late to begin the self-compassionate process of bringing your self-esteem back up to Number One. But first, we have to recognise whether our friend and life-partner, self-esteem, is with us at all just now?
Clients who work with me rarely state their immediate number one challenge – their self-esteem.
However, it is usually soon recognised as a major contributor in the initial discussion and assessment of those clients and the current and often lifetime challenges in their perception of themselves.
I wonder, can you help with…?
My client presents with anxiety…
Another states they are feeling and thinking in a depressive and negative way, before offering – “yes, I also suffer from low self-esteem”.
Perhaps the initial primary psychological complaint is “Low self-esteem with associated depression and anxiety”?
Cognitions, them Cognitions!
How we think, and subsequently ‘feel’ about ourselves, and our place in this world and society is of some significance. Our emotions arise out of what we think, and what we think is a result of that we perceive and (re)cognise from what is currently in front of us – but based on reference points (often negative) from a past long since experienced.
‘If’ we can become more acutely aware of the present, utilise our senses to what is truly in front of us, with us, rather than “this feels like when…” then we can reduce the negative emotions arriving and being felt that are based on incorrect thoughts of a reminder of that reference point of the past.
And we can!
But first, the past has to become processed memories – without emotional attachments!
When we choose to push back against unpleasant memories, and fail to process these unpleasant experiences, the backroom staff, filing those experiences in your sub-conscious will continue to ‘file’ under, “THREAT”!
That file, listed as ‘threat’ then waits to pop-up when it thinks it recognises a stimulus, such as a hurtful comment.
That’s right, there, right there – I heard it. I told you, YOU were not good enough, I’ve tried to warn you – and because you give me no reason to believe an alternative, I’ll keep ‘protecting’ you with these sensory (negative) emotions. ‘Cause we in the backroom are good like that”!
Working with a psychological therapist, you can spend relevant time exploring (under guidance) those pains of the past – and come to know them as memories, no longer with emotion (or a lesser intensity, potentially for shorter periods).
Some individuals need significant time to explore and discharge the less healthy experiences of their past. Others need only to practice returning to a less-conditioned, more healthy and positive (true and objective) place in the here and now. The only place of truth and reality.
We can choose whether to let our past emotional ‘insults; to our psyche define our future, or, we can process it, gently, learn to acknowledge and accept it without blame or judgement, compassionately, and then let go.
Judgements and Comparisons
If I introduce you to another you, one who has never seen you before, and knows nothing of you or your past, would you still think ‘you’ are of little or less value than anyone else?
You are the most important person in the world. And with your self-esteem back where it belongs, to you, you can see this once more, and let the past be where it needs to be, in the past.
Is self-esteem an unwelcome visitor for you?
Contact me for an appointment at my Newmarket office. Or, if you wish, we can ‘meet‘ online, in a way of your choosing.
Bob Brotchie is a counsellor, mindset consultant and creator of "Conscious Living by Design"™. He writes for Anglia Counselling, is featured on various other websites and introduces us to many guest writers all covering topics related to mental health and wellbeing.
Bob provides bespoke counselling services to individuals and couples in the privacy and comfort of a truly welcoming environment at his Anglia Counselling company office, located near Newmarket in Suffolk, England. Bob also provides professional online counselling, for local, national, and international clients. The therapeutic models offered are bespoke to the client’s needs, especially those in receipt of 'childhood emotional neglect' (CEN), whilst integrating a mindful approach to psychotherapy and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) principles. For clients experiencing trauma and/or phobia, Bob offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing).