Relationships

We’re going to explore the profound and lasting impact parental comments have on adult self-talk, shedding light on how these early influences can shape our inner dialogue, self-esteem, and overall mental health.

When we consider the factors that shape our self-perception and inner dialogue, the influence of parental comments stands out as particularly significant. From the earliest stages of life, the words parents use can become deeply ingrained, serving as the foundation for our self-talk well into adulthood. Despite the playground chant of: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words shall never hurt me.” the reality is that words, especially from parents, can leave lasting psychological impacts.

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In this post, Penni Osborn, resident Counsellor and Therapist for adult individuals at Anglia Counselling, takes a look at three defined parenting styles and how they may impact the child.

Background

In the 1960’s, the research of clinical and developmental psychologist Dr Diana Baumrind led her to define three types of parenting styles; authoritative, authoritarian and permissive. Below we take a look at Dr Baumrind’s three styles and their possible impact on the child:-

Authoritative

Considered the best of all the parenting styles, the authoritative approach combines nurture and validation with rules and discipline. The authoritative parent is considerate of the child’s feelings and opinions and allows them to make their own decisions, but within firm, defined limits. They explain consequences and set strong boundaries. This type of parent typically uses positive discipline – rather than harsh punishments – through rewarding and reinforcing positive behaviour. [Read more…]

The Christmas holiday season brings joy, warmth, and togetherness. It’s a time when families come together to celebrate, exchange gifts, and create cherished memories. However, this time of year can also come with its fair share of relationship challenges, as the pressure to create a harmonious environment can often be overwhelming. In this blog, we will explore some common family and Christmas holiday relationship challenges and provide tips on how to navigate them effectively.

Communication Breakdown

One of the most common challenges faced during the holiday season is communication breakdown. It’s not uncommon for families to have unresolved issues or differences of opinion that can lead to tensions. During this time, it is crucial to prioritise open and honest communication. Create opportunities for family members to express their thoughts and feelings, ensuring everyone feels heard and validated. Practice active listening and avoid interrupting or becoming defensive. [Read more…]

Childhood plays a crucial role in shaping our emotional, cognitive, and social development. However, when individuals experience arrested development during this period, their growth and maturation may be hindered, potentially leading to lasting effects on their relationships and self-esteem in later life. This article explores the concept of arrested development and its impact on individuals as they navigate adulthood.

Understanding Arrested Development

Arrested development refers to a condition where an individual’s emotional, psychological, or social development stagnates or fails to progress at the expected rate during childhood. This may occur due to various factors, such as trauma, neglect, dysfunctional family dynamics, or lack of adequate support systems. When a child’s developmental milestones are not adequately addressed, it can have far-reaching consequences in adulthood. [Read more…]

In this post, Penni explores the uncomfortable feeling of resentment; what it is, what causes it and how it’s potentially harmful effects – physical, mental and emotional – can be avoided.

What is Resentment?

A pervasive feeling that creeps up on us when we feel we have been treated unfairly, resentment is an emotion that sits somewhere between anger and disappointment. As a stress inducing emotion, it can be damaging to us physically, as well as potentially being a highly destructive force within our significant relationships. Signs of resentment include being short-tempered, using passive-aggressive communication, having less empathy or emotionally withdrawing from the person we feel resentful towards. A variety of things can trigger resentment, but two key areas to explore are unfulfilled expectation and poor boundaries. [Read more…]

Here, in her latest post, Penni shares a communication tool, taken from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), that can be used when achieving an objective in an interpersonal interaction is required.

For some of us, the prospect of raising an issue or asserting ourselves within our relationships with our partners, friends, colleagues or employers can feel very daunting. Below is an example of ‘DEAR MAN’, a tool that forms part of DBT’s ‘Interpersonal Effectiveness’ skill, that can be used when you would like to obtain an objective in an interaction with another whilst being respectful to both yourself and the other person.

The acronym ‘DEAR’ refers to what you say and ‘MAN’ refers to how to say it. [Read more…]

Transactional Analysis (TA) is a theory of psychology and psychotherapy that was developed by Eric Berne in the 1950s. It is based on the idea that individuals have three ego states – Parent, Adult, and Child – that interact with one another in transactions, or social exchanges. These transactions are thought to shape our behaviour and emotions in significant ways. [Read more…]

The family ‘role’ that may have been assigned in childhood could be explain why codependent behaviours are experienced in adulthood.

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Relational co-dependency refers to an unhealthy and destructive pattern of behaviour in relationships where one person enables another person’s addiction, irresponsibility, or underachievement.

What to Look Out For and What We Can Do About it

In a co-dependant relationship, both individuals become overly involved and focused on the other, neglecting their own needs and desires. This behaviour can lead to a wide range of negative consequences, including increased stress and decreased self-esteem, and can cause long-lasting harm to both individuals involved – and other close family. [Read more…]

Toxic relationships are harmful and destructive connections between individuals that can negatively impact one’s physical and emotional wellbeing. Relationships without boundaries are characterised by a lack of respect, control, and manipulation.

Part I

In a toxic relationship without boundaries, the partners may engage in behaviours such as constant criticism, *gaslighting, or even physical abuse. There may also be a power dynamic in which one person attempts to control the actions, thoughts, or decisions of the other.

*Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow doubt in the mind of their victim by making them question their own perception of events or reality.

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