Understanding Anger: Managing and Reducing Unnecessary Outbursts

Anger is a natural human emotion that we all experience from time to time. It can arise due to various triggers, such as frustration, injustice, or feeling threatened. While anger can be a valid response, it is essential to learn how to manage and reduce unnecessary anger.

Uncontrolled anger can negatively impact our relationships, physical health, and overall wellbeing. In this article, we will delve into the nature of anger, its potential consequences, and explore effective strategies for keeping unnecessary anger at bay.

Understanding Anger

Anger is a complex emotion that manifests in different ways. It can range from mild irritation to intense rage. When we feel anger, our bodies undergo physiological changes, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and heightened muscle tension. Anger often stems from unmet expectations, perceived threats, or unresolved conflicts. Anger commonly arises when the recipient has a sense (Consciously or unconsciously), shame or unresolved trauma, typically from childhood.

It is crucial to recognize that anger itself is not inherently negative; it is how we express and manage it that matters.

Consequences of Uncontrolled Anger

Allowing anger to escalate without proper management can lead to severe consequences. Frequent outbursts of anger can damage personal relationships, creating a rift between loved ones and causing emotional harm. Uncontrolled anger can also have detrimental effects on physical health, contributing to chronic stress, heart problems, and weakened immune system function. Moreover, excessive anger can impair judgment, leading to impulsive and regretful actions that can have long-lasting repercussions.

Strategies to Reduce Unnecessary Anger

1. Recognize triggers: Pay attention to the situations, people, or events that tend to provoke anger. Understanding your triggers can help you prepare mentally and emotionally to respond in a more controlled manner.

2. Practice deep breathing and relaxation techniques: When anger arises, take slow, deep breaths to help calm your body and mind. Engaging in relaxation techniques, such as meditation and mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation, can also be beneficial in reducing anger over time.

3. Develop empathy and perspective-taking: Try to understand others’ viewpoints and consider their intentions before jumping to conclusions. Developing empathy allows you to approach situations with more understanding and compassion, reducing the likelihood of unnecessary anger.

4. Improve communication skills: Enhancing your communication skills can help prevent misunderstandings and conflicts that often lead to anger. Practice active listening, assertiveness, and using “I” statements to express your thoughts and feelings effectively. The practice of *’non-violent’ communications is of particular value. *(See footer for more on NVC)

5. Take a timeout: When you feel anger building up, step away from the situation temporarily. Take a walk, engage in a physical activity, or engage in a calming hobby to give yourself time to cool down and gain perspective before responding.

6. Seek support: If you find it challenging to manage your anger on your own, consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor. They can provide guidance and teach you effective coping strategies tailored to your specific needs, and may also bring lasting change where unresolved trauma or emotional neglect is explored, acknowledged, and healed.

7. Practice self-care: Engage in activities that promote self-care and emotional wellbeing. Regular exercise, sufficient sleep, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle contribute to overall emotional balance, making it easier to manage anger.


Anger is a powerful emotion that, if left unchecked, can cause harm to ourselves and those around us. By understanding the nature of anger and implementing effective strategies, we can reduce unnecessary anger and lead more fulfilling lives. Remember, managing anger is a continuous process that requires practice, patience, and self-reflection. With time and effort, we can develop healthier ways of responding to challenging situations, fostering stronger relationships and improved overall wellbeing.

About Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a communication method developed by Marshall B Rosenberg, which emphasizes empathetic connection and peaceful resolution of conflicts. It aims to facilitate effective and compassionate communication, fostering understanding and cooperation between individuals. NVC is based on the principles of empathy, self-expression, and mutual respect.

If you would like to learn more about Nonviolent Communication, its principles, and how to apply it in your daily life, there are several resources available. Here are some helpful resources:

  1. The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC): The official website of the organization founded by Marshall B. Rosenberg. It provides comprehensive information about NVC, training opportunities, resources, and a directory of certified trainers.
  2. “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall B Rosenberg: This book is considered the foundational text of NVC. It offers practical guidance and examples for applying the principles of NVC in various situations. You can find the book on Amazon or at your local bookstore.
  3. Online Courses and Workshops: Many organizations and trainers offer online courses and workshops on Nonviolent Communication. These resources can provide in-depth learning experiences and opportunities for practice. CNVC’s website and other platforms like Udemy, Coursera, and Skillshare offer various NVC courses that you can explore.
  4. NVC Practice Groups and Communities: Joining NVC practice groups or communities can be beneficial for practicing and integrating Nonviolent Communication into your daily life. These groups provide a supportive environment where you can engage in NVC exercises and receive feedback. You can search online for NVC practice groups in your area or consider joining online communities.

Remember that Nonviolent Communication is a skill that requires practice and patience. The more you engage with it, the better you become at fostering understanding, empathy, and peaceful communication.

About the author
Managing Director / Counsellor at Anglia Counselling Ltd | 07747042899 | [email protected] | Business Website

Bob Brotchie is a counsellor, mindset consultant and creator of "Conscious Living by Design"™. He writes for Anglia Counselling, is featured on various other websites and introduces us to many guest writers all covering topics related to mental health and wellbeing.

Bob provides bespoke counselling services to individuals and couples in the privacy and comfort of a truly welcoming environment at his Anglia Counselling company office, located near Newmarket in Suffolk, England. Bob also provides professional online counselling, for local, national, and international clients. The therapeutic models offered are bespoke to the client’s needs, especially those in receipt of 'childhood emotional neglect' (CEN), whilst integrating a mindful approach to psychotherapy and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) principles. For clients experiencing trauma and/or phobia, Bob offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing).