Bob Brotchie

In this post, there are some examples of cognitive distortions – unhelpful thinking styles that can cause us emotional distress and get in the way of taking positive action towards a happier and more balanced way of being.

Fact or Fiction?

Our thoughts can be very convincing. They can make us believe certain things are fact, when perhaps, the reality is quite different. Whilst our thoughts may not always be telling us the truth, they feel true and so we buy into them. We judge them to be rational and our subsequent behaviours are therefore deemed perfectly reasonable. For instance, we may think a friend is upset with us when they ignore us at a party and so we delete them as a contact or we may think, as we didn’t pass something first time, we’re bound to fail again, so we don’t bother trying. [Read more…]

Today, we explore the uncomfortable feeling of resentment; what it is, what causes it and how it’s potentially harmful effects – physical, mental and emotional – can be avoided.

What is Resentment?

A pervasive feeling that creeps up on us when we feel we have been treated unfairly, resentment is an emotion that sits somewhere between anger and disappointment. As a stress inducing emotion, it can be damaging to us physically, as well as potentially being a highly destructive force within our significant relationships. Signs of resentment include being short-tempered, using passive-aggressive communication, having less empathy or emotionally withdrawing from the person we feel resentful towards. A variety of things can trigger resentment, but two key areas to explore are unfulfilled expectation and poor boundaries. [Read more…]

Here, in this latest post, we share a communication tool, taken from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), that can be used when achieving an objective in an interpersonal interaction is required.

For some of us, the prospect of raising an issue or asserting ourselves within our relationships with our partners, friends, colleagues or employers can feel very daunting. Below is an example of ‘DEAR MAN’, a tool that forms part of DBT’s ‘Interpersonal Effectiveness’ skill, that can be used when you would like to obtain an objective in an interaction with another whilst being respectful to both yourself and the other person.

The acronym ‘DEAR’ refers to what you say and ‘MAN’ refers to how to say it. [Read more…]

In this post, Penni takes a look at how healing from Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) can begin by reconnecting to emotions with compassionate curiosity, uncovering the cause of those feelings and deciding thoughtfully how to act upon them.

If emotions aren’t validated in childhood, the result is a walling off of our emotional world that continues into adulthood. Being disconnected from our emotions due to CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect) means being unable to access a wealth of information – messages – that guide and inform us and help us to lead the life that is best for our own, unique needs. If we have become walled off from our feelings, it can be hard to know just how we feel, or what exactly to do with those feelings. [Read more…]

Here are five tips to help reduce anxiety.

Unlike fear, anxiety is all about perceived future based threats – the ‘what-ifs’ that we all experience from time to time. Anxiety tells us to fight or run (which, if we are under threat, would be the right thing to do!) however, paradoxically, if the anxiety alarm rings when it doesn’t need to and we respond, we actually reinforce it. [Read more…]

Here we explore the effects of times of change and how the difficult emotions experienced during the gap between the old and the new can be tolerated whilst waiting for the wheel of life to turn.

Wired to Want Certainty

Life is a continuous journey of change. From birth onwards, we repeatedly face new challenges that contribute to our overall growth. We continue through our whole lives transitioning from one phase to another. However, it’s not always a case of going from ‘A’ to ‘B’, with immediacy and certainty. Some phases can be more challenging than others and can bring with them great discomfort. We are wired to want what’s familiar, because that’s where safety is. Take away that of which we feel certain and, all of a sudden, we find ourselves in an emotional ‘no man’s land’. We are no longer ‘there’ and ‘here’ is unknown and out of sight. [Read more…]

At Anglia Counselling we offer support to those experiencing the menopause and who may be struggling with both the physical and emotional symptoms. In this post, we share insight and thoughts about menopause and how it can, for some, be the harbinger of positive new beginnings.

When we really, really don’t want something, finding acceptance for it can be very hard. It’s even harder to go the next step and embrace that thing we don’t want. [Read more…]

Here we look into childhood emotional neglect (CEN) and the experiences we may have and how to identify if it’s time to reclaim ourselves.

Receiving the message, in childhood, that your feelings don’t matter (in whichever way this message was relayed), can lead to an adulthood of being unable to connect with your ‘self’, others and the world around you. When our emotional experiences are dismissed, ignored or simply not encouraged during childhood, we intuitively shelve this important part of ourselves. We wall off our feelings, stop believing in them, stop listening to them and, in losing our connection with them, we lose belief in ourselves. [Read more…]

An imaginative and inspirational perspective of self-esteem, and how we should all get growing more!

When I think of healthy self-esteem I imagine it as a flourishing garden, filled with beautiful flowers, shrubs and trees. Pastels and vibrant hues nestling side by side in a wonderfully natural space, each existing exactly where it should be – confident and comfortable to be where they are – each individual plant or tree has earned its rightful place in amongst all the other plants and trees. And when some begin to fade (as some plants do with time), new seeds arrive creating an ever-changing environment; alive, thriving and continually renewing and growing. [Read more…]

Today we look into the area of criticism, our reactions, and feelings around it – and how we respond to it.

Criticism, at home or in the workplace can be hard to take. It can be embarrassing. It can prompt feelings of being devalued or inadequate in some way. When we’re on the receiving end of criticism from a loved one, colleague, boss or friend it can feel like a personal attack. It’s perfectly natural, therefore, to react to this attack defensively. Reacting, however, is different from responding. [Read more…]