What we think about trust isn’t the sole domain of what we believe about those around – and outside of us. If we lack trust in what we experience AND and in ourselves, the impact on our emotions and behaviours, based on those cognitions can be significant.
What about you?
As a general question, do you consider yourself a trusting person? If yes, what makes that so? I suspect many will answer “yes, at times I can trust” …and perhaps many more will answer “No, I can’t… trust“.
The root cause of a lack of trust in others can be fairly easily discovered during disclosure in the therapy room. Many find exploring the reason for a lack of trust in themselves however, to be far harder to comprehend! This earlier blog includes aspects around jealousy and introspection. I do recommend you read this also!
An Example From my Life
I had a hugely privileged career. For almost 20 years, I enjoyed, in fact relished the responsibility for being placed in positions of trying to interrupt the path between life – and death. It was also an award winning period of time for my work, communications and innovation. So, you might think I would have been able to trust in the value of myself, my confidence and self-esteem – without question! Sadly, you would be wrong!
I had trust in my abilities, as a professional but none of the rewarding aspects of such a wonderful career helped me at that time to overcome the dreadful lack of self worth. Depression and stress induced anxiety when wearing my personal hat ruled; anger and lack of trust in myself – and others was rife.
We are not our thoughts, yet, we can become the basis of those thoughts.
Here is the news… on the hour, every hour!
If we make ourselves available to so many negative snippets of news, we will ultimately be influenced by the ‘drip, drip’ effect. It will, to our sub-conscious, become reality.
The world will become judged as a bad place!
Hostile, dangerous, poverty stricken and full of politicians and financiers who cannot be trusted. But is that ‘the entire truth’? For sure, the world does have all these negative things, but is that all the world has to offer?
“Here is the N…” If we are to become more complete in our beliefs, and enjoy healthier emotions and trust, we might consider reducing the daily, hourly, minute-by-minute barrage of negative story-telling.
Trust is difficult to access when anxious and frightened. One of the greatest barriers to access objectivity for clients suffering anxiety, who I see within the context of talking therapy, is accessing their trust – in themselves.
Now, I Can Trust
When I eventually slowed myself – and my thoughts – down, I grew awareness of self and external stimuli by becoming mindful; I learned – or actually, re-learned – how to trust and be more at peace thus becoming objective about life and it’s impermanence.
Judge and be Damned
If we become aware we are making judgements about people and situations, without ‘knowing’, we can reduce these judgements. When we reduce our judgements, we also start to judge ourselves less!
…and so, the dichotomy is that to improve trust in yourself and others, you have to open the door to living proof for what can be once again trusted, and as important, to let go of ‘broken’ trust. A person who behaved in a way that was untrustworthy – was only so in that moment. Anything else is guesswork, unreliable and judgemental!
With this snapshot of some of the factors that can go towards a lack of trust and self-esteem, or self worth, I hope you can begin – or continue to look inwardly at your reactions, your beliefs about yourself, your loved ones – and the world in general.
Not everything you think is reality; THAT is the dichotomy. You CAN trust in that!
Bob Brotchie is a counsellor, mindset consultant and creator of "Conscious Living by Design"™. He writes for Anglia Counselling, is featured on various other websites and introduces us to many guest writers all covering topics related to mental health and wellbeing.
Bob provides bespoke counselling services to individuals and couples in the privacy and comfort of a truly welcoming environment at his Anglia Counselling company office, located near Newmarket in Suffolk, England. Bob also provides professional online counselling, for local, national, and international clients. The therapeutic models offered are bespoke to the client’s needs, especially those in receipt of 'childhood emotional neglect' (CEN), whilst integrating a mindful approach to psychotherapy and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) principles. For clients experiencing trauma and/or phobia, Bob offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing).