5 Comments

  1. Tim

    Bob’s foreword interests me. I recognise it. I hadn’t seen it more than a few moments before he published this article, and it is still making me think.

    I rarely move into rage. It happens when anger alone doesn’t work. My anger is, generally, cold. I get my retaliation in first. Or I butt in where I have no business to do so. Or I am right, and wade in with self righteous and pointless sniping, the product of anger, badly controlled.

    Rage, when I get it, is awful, and awful for me as well. I feel so impotent that I need to lash out, but the only thing I will hurt is the person I love most, and that means I have go go away. Then I get told I have walked off when I should be discussing things. Rage makes discussion impossible. Walking away is the only thing I know how to do.

    • Thanks Tim.
      In considering “walking away” this is often an area for a misunderstanding to occur. As Males, we DO have a propensity to walk away and it is an evolved process akin – or from the days of retreating to our caves! Men and women deal very differently (generally) with anger, perhaps less so rage! Men need to go away, sit, become calmer so they can reflect and consider. Men just can’t think rationally during an angry emotion and any expectation that they can connect emotively – in a positive way – during an upset is likely to remain unsatisfied. A point well illustrated in the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”

      • Tim

        Ah, yes. That book. The rejected therapist in the talking cure guest post you published managed to discredit that book in my wife’s eyes, sight unseen. That book cannot cross our threshold.

        But the point from it is well made and received.

        I go away because, if I do not, I am very afraid I will hit. I have hit, once. It was not a useful or positive experience for either of us. It made me very afraid of myself.

        I get so upset I can’t even cry.

  2. Tim

    I told the group tonight. I printed out the bullet points and took a copy for each of them. The act of writing it was cathartic, and so was the act of giving it to them. I don;t mind what they think of it or do with it, I gave it to them. And, of course, to our leader.

    They were all interested. Some were surprised. But I feel better. This was for me.

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