5 Comments

  1. Tim

    I’m moved to reply to the apologies element. I am in a position with someone every important to me of not being able to do right for doing wrong. Apologies are not enough because we do not communicate on that level any more. We, together, have moulded our relationship into one where rows as such no longer exist, disagreements have no end, and we fall back into armed truce. I long for a decent row where one can apologise to the other and we make up, but that seems to be impossible. We each need to apologise and to receive apologies.

    I don’t ever expect them, though I hope for them. As soon as I know I’m wrong I offer a genuine, sincere apology. It is not accepted.

    How do I do my part of breaking the armed truce cycle and suing for peace?

    • Thanks Tim,
      I think when we become part of a relationship that is entrenched with conditioned and habitual behaviours within the communications, new ways, or a return to once healthier communications might need to be found. Here is one suggested resource that I find particularly useful in circumstances such as these.
      http://www.cnvc.org/ . The Center for ‘non-violent’ communication is a wonderful point to access many ideas for communicating in the most difficult circumstances.
      I highly recommend the books…

      • Tim

        I shall look at that with interest. My fear is that, whatever technique I use to express contrition and to apologise, my apology is not trusted because it is interpreted in a different manner from my delivering of it. Feedback tells me that “This can’t be a real apology because you did the same thing you apologised for last time and the time before and the time before”

        Matters that happened decades ago that I thought were finished are remembered and rolled out as a fresh wound that still sheds real blood today.

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