Jealous? Jealousy is one of the most insidious of emotions. I’m sure no one has ever enjoyed feeling this way – or being on the receiving end! So where does it come from, why do we feel it, and what can we do about it?
That, which we dislike in others, is often a reflection of ourselves.
Why is this important?
Because in jealousy, we may be judging others based on our own view of the world (our belief system) and lack of faith in ourselves. We may wish to be ‘in control’ and most likely we’re subjected to a belief of low self-esteem.
When we are fortunate enough or have learned to value, like, or perhaps even ‘love’ ourselves (in a non arrogant way!), we are far less likely to be troubled by jealousy. We comfortably observe our loved one engaging in a social setting or on social media with the opposite sex – without feeling threatened. We might never feel the temptation to ‘check’ our partner’s phone, emails, or online activity!
Jealousy manifests outside of the loving relations too!
Workplace, or educational environments, are also rife with insecure individuals who have been emotionally harmed in some way which may predispose them to challenge what they perceive to be unfair.
So what can we do about these unhelpful emotions?
You can try to understand who ‘you’ are – and where your beliefs about how you behave may come from. Consider your beliefs about the person you are jealous of:
- Are they really perfect?
- Do they get everything they want?
- Is their life really always perfect and without drama?
We all suffer, we get to enjoy the great times and the less than great times but these are all experiences to be treasured as part of that very fabric of life!
In the final analysis, finding a love, or even a liking and acceptance of you, is the primary key, and the cornerstone of reducing or removing those awful anxious imaginations. For some, you will work this out on your own path to personal growth and development. For others, you may wish to make use of counsel and guidance to provide this kind of dispassionate, impartial, and non judgemental help from an external perspective!
Bob Brotchie is a counsellor, mindset consultant and creator of "Conscious Living by Design"™. He writes for Anglia Counselling, is featured on various other websites and introduces us to many guest writers all covering topics related to mental health and wellbeing.
Bob provides bespoke counselling services to individuals and couples in the privacy and comfort of a truly welcoming environment at his Anglia Counselling company office, located near Newmarket in Suffolk, England. Bob also provides professional online counselling, for local, national, and international clients. The therapeutic models offered are bespoke to the client’s needs, especially those in receipt of 'childhood emotional neglect' (CEN), whilst integrating a mindful approach to psychotherapy and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) principles. For clients experiencing trauma and/or phobia, Bob offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing).