Many relationship difficulties arise out of us failing to be who we are seen to be, in a given moment. As individuals we can return to be who we really are in any given environment – using a little mindfulness.
We can choose to be present!
Allowing thoughts to drag us into the past, or we fall into the future; both places we cannot actually be.
The spouse who gains a living outside of the home and who in their head and mind – is already at work before even leaving the family unit – and then fails to actually return home with the correct persona later on in the day. This leaves the family trying to address a shell of the person they know and love. Why is this?
There is a tendency today to respond with rapid energy to many things calling for our attention in the belief there is little choice. Ping – the email message has arrived and will immediately be viewed and considered, taking us away from our present role. The news report on the radio/TV/internet/newspaper grabs our attention and may distress us, or at least once again leave us feeling a victim of the world’s ills. The phone rings and we are driven to answer it, removing us once more, from where we are supposed to be.
From the moment we wake to the moment we put our head on the pillow, we are allowing thoughts to drag us into the past, or we fall into the future; both of which are places we cannot actually be. They are places that remove us from the present, and what we can see, hear, taste, smell, and touch – using our five senses. In being more mindful, demonstrating present moment awareness, we can be in the right place, at the right time:
- When waking, try to move off the bed gently, move kindly, thinking only of that moment.
- At breakfast, ask yourself who you are in that moment; the parent or spouse, rather than the worker.
- At work, do one thing at a time and consider one thing at a time. We believe we can give sufficient attention to more than one task or thought process but in reality, we can’t.
- When leaving the place or period of work, leave! It may well be 30 minutes before the transition has completed from work persona to home persona. Help this along by seeing the door of your home as the change of emotional clothes.
- At bedtime, allow a brief and non judgemental review of the day, and leave the thoughts for tomorrow until then, when actions will be necessary.
In practising a more mindful and aware approach to everyday life we can stop burning through the day on the hamster wheel of life, and start to live each moment as it can be. This allows space to respond appropriately to events rather than allow unhealthy and mindless reactions based on the past.
Bob Brotchie is a counsellor, mindset consultant and creator of "Conscious Living by Design"™. He writes for Anglia Counselling, is featured on various other websites and introduces us to many guest writers all covering topics related to mental health and wellbeing.
Bob provides bespoke counselling services to individuals and couples in the privacy and comfort of a truly welcoming environment at his Anglia Counselling company office, located near Newmarket in Suffolk, England. Bob also provides professional online counselling, for local, national, and international clients. The therapeutic models offered are bespoke to the client’s needs, especially those in receipt of 'childhood emotional neglect' (CEN), whilst integrating a mindful approach to psychotherapy and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) principles. For clients experiencing trauma and/or phobia, Bob offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing).