There is no such thing as a grown-up (the child and her beliefs remain in adulthood) because, during the first decade of life, we learn critical and fundamental beliefs that remain with us throughout adulthood.
Our teachers of the beliefs we will maintain beyond childhood are of course the significant adults; parents and other educators. As children, we rely on these ‘big’ people for affection, acceptance, attention and a sense of safety and worth.
If areas such as these are missing, or less than optimal, then as adults, subconsciously, we may be triggered to think, feel and behave in a reactionary way; as if to defend ourselves, or to withdraw from being able to express ourselves. Hence, we get to meet anxiety and depression and as a result, we create safety-seeking mechanisms in an attempt to manage overwhelming and repetitive emotions.
We may become addicted to things that take us to the ‘garden of numb’, we may be obsessive, controlling, angry, defensive and exhibit low self-esteem and confidence, believing incorrectly that we are not worthy, so we become people-pleasers and praise-seekers, or disapproval avoidant in the extreme.
To move away and to learn what was taught incorrectly, or not at all, we can choose to consider growing awareness of how we feel, think and behave, moment-to-moment, rather than avoid or fight powerful emotions and negative thinking. We can welcome in that which frightens us, and consider new, healthier patterns of thinking. But only ‘if’ we slow down long enough to ‘be’.
Remember, there is no such thing as a grown up.
Bob Brotchie is a counsellor, mindset consultant and creator of "Conscious Living by Design"™. He writes for Anglia Counselling, is featured on various other websites and introduces us to many guest writers all covering topics related to mental health and wellbeing.
Bob provides bespoke counselling services to individuals and couples in the privacy and comfort of a truly welcoming environment at his Anglia Counselling company office, located near Newmarket in Suffolk, England. Bob also provides professional online counselling, for local, national, and international clients. The therapeutic models offered are bespoke to the client’s needs, especially those in receipt of 'childhood emotional neglect' (CEN), whilst integrating a mindful approach to psychotherapy and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) principles. For clients experiencing trauma and/or phobia, Bob offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing).