Anxiety: What Lies Behind (Part 2)
In this second post on what may cause us to experience anxiety, we explore ‘self-concept’; how it is formed and why, if incomplete, it can cause stress and unhelpful thinking styles, that can lead to anxiety.
Self-Concept
Our self-concept can be simply defined as a fairly comprehensive, general idea of who we are – what we know about ourselves from a physical world perspective. Our interests, what we do and don’t like, what we’re good at, where we might need to improve and our strengths and weaknesses. When it’s complete and accurate, it guides us to make decisions that work best for us.
Feedback
We get our sense of self during our growing years from the feedback we receive from our environment, including teachers, peers and, of course, our parents. Having our preferences and opinions noticed and encouraged and having constructive and compassionate feedback about the things we seem good at or where we might need extra help, provide the layers of information we need about ourselves in order to enter adulthood with a fairly solid idea of who we are and therefore what we want.
Decision-making can be hard if our self-concept is incomplete
In environments affected by CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect), an environment affected by narcissistic, authoritarian or disinterested behaviours, can leave us lacking in this important data and therefore struggling, in adulthood, to make decisions that work best for our individual selves, finding it difficult to be sure of which direction to go in; what to study, our ideal partner, where to live, what job to have.
How Does This Contribute to Anxiety?
If our self-concept is incomplete, we might experience:
- Feeling like we don’t ‘fit in’
- Difficulty making decisions for ourselves
- Feeling mystified about what we want
- Finding ourselves in places/relationships/jobs that just don’t seem ‘quite right’
- Lacking in confidence and assertiveness
If we’re unsure about what we do and don’t like, or don’t really know what our strengths and skills are we’re not coming at life fully ‘tooled up’ for the job of living in a way that suits our unique selves best. If our self-concept is incomplete, we lack the security of knowing ourselves well – affecting our self-esteem – and are therefore more likely to feel uncertain, under-confident and apprehensive – all vulnerabilities that can fuel anxiety. These underlying feelings may lead us to feel chronically stressed, to make unhelpful interpretations of events, more likely to make negative future predictions and get caught up in anxiety’s favourite two words “What If?”.
Getting to Know You
It’s never too late! Accurate feedback may have been lacking in childhood, but it is something we can offer ourselves as adults. Take time to notice simple things, such as your favourite – and least favourite – food/sport/clothes/activities, who you like spending time with and why, what comes naturally to you and what you’d like to get better at, what appeals to you and what doesn’t. This is a self-care exercise; You’re tuning in to yourself and informing yourself about you, which in turn helps you become more certain of what you want, have healthy boundaries, be able to make decisions that are right for you and therefore less likely to experience anxiety.
Bob Brotchie is a counsellor, mindset consultant and creator of "Conscious Living by Design"™. He writes for Anglia Counselling, a company he founded in 2012, is featured on various other websites and introduces us to many guest writers all covering topics related to mental health and wellbeing.
Bob provides bespoke counselling services to individuals and couples in the privacy and comfort of a truly welcoming environment at his Anglia Counselling company office, located near Newmarket in Suffolk, England. Bob also provides professional online counselling, for local, national, and international clients. The therapeutic models offered are bespoke to the client’s needs, especially those in receipt of 'childhood emotional neglect' (CEN), whilst integrating a mindful approach to psychotherapy and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) principles, those becoming ever more important for those with neurodivergent traits. For clients experiencing trauma and/or phobia, Bob offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing).