Relationships – and The Wall

Communications: What are you really saying?

Generally we tend to ‘feel’ our way in any new relationship. We exercise great consideration – being mindful to avoid offending that new person in our life or being misunderstood. We do this by choosing the tone of our voice, the words we utter, our body language, and so on. Have you noticed how when you are comfortable in the space of another you can accept a friendly ‘touch’ to the arm, or allow another person to stand in your ‘bubble’ (space)?

The Wall

What can happen at any time afterwards may be the result of a misunderstanding, a careless throwaway comment, or any number of factors. There is a disconnect and ‘The Wall’ may start to be built out of pride, arrogance, ego, anger, pain, jealousy, lack of forgiveness or any number of emotions.

How does this feel?

‘Unpleasant’? ‘Stressful’? ‘EMOTIONAL’? So who does it serve to build and maintain ‘The Wall’? Do you really want to keep feeling all that negative and unpleasant stuff? Of course you don’t – it’s poisonous.

Options

So how about learning and acquiring some tools to empower you to knock ‘The Wall’ down before it gets too high? Instead of pointing a finger at someone and saying “YOU did this, when YOU did that…” try saying: “When I heard that comment, I felt angry inside; or it felt unfair or wrong.”

The small example above demonstrates a subtle shift in focus that, with care and learning, we can adapt and apply to those communications when we are upset. This way we can stop ‘The Wall’ ever being built. Known as Non Violent Communications (NVC), this technique is just one of many communication tools available to us to find alternatives to the ‘reactive’ response we so commonly employ.

Bob Brotchie is a British Counsellor providing private services to clients in the privacy and comfort of a truly welcoming environment at his Anglia Counselling Ltd company office, located near Newmarket in Suffolk (GB). Bob also provides professional online counselling, for international clients around the world.

The therapeutic models offered, are bespoke to the client’s needs (not his) whilst integrating a Mindful approach to Psychotherapy and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) principles.

For clients experiencing trauma and/or phobia, Bob offers the Rewind Technique which is a rapid process that provides rapid results without re-traumatising the individual. For those seeking greater emotional stability, Bob offers an 8-week online training program which is also available in-person.