Go Compare! Really?
With little doubt, it IS wise to compare providers of services and products in these tough economic times, but is this also true of your place in this world?
At some stage in your life, and for many it is most of the time, we compare what we had, what we have and what we want based on… On what?
Listen!
If you really listen to your inner dialogue, you might recognise the statements we so often make to ourselves. They might go something like this:
- I can’t wait to get my next promotion or pay rise… or job – then life will be better.
- Wow, just look at that car… You’ll see when I’ve got one of them.
- When I get a bigger house, it’ll be okay.
- I wish I had…
Now see if you can recall times, even just a single moment when you achieved a desire! How did that ‘feel’? Did you feel elated? Did you feel amazing? I hope so! Did you then feel everything would be great… forever?
Holding Sand
We are unable to hold these wonderful moments of joy and perceived fulfilment. However, that is not to say we cannot enjoy them while they are with us, or remind ourselves of them.
We most often base our happiness on things outside of ourselves!
However, can you find anyone; do you truly know anyone who is genuinely and completely fulfilled and content because of what they had ‘gained’ outside of themselves?
I Came Home
I recall eventually coming home to myself in recognising the futility of my lifelong search for happiness being achieved because of something I got. Each car, house, job, promotion, and success brought only temporary satisfaction. I spent my entire life wanting, comparing, and never really fulfilling that desire.
Gratitude Found
When I became more grateful for the gift of life; when I could ‘see’ the positives out of all my experiences; when I trusted in my own self, my value and my place in this world… that is when the comparing and wanting diminished.
Here’s the thing! Once I let go, life became clearer. The things I thought I wanted, to achieve happiness, simply arrived, or they mattered considerably less! I realised it was never about the gains we can make for our ego; comparing with our neighbours, friends, colleagues and relatives. Our ‘value’ isn’t to be found in the size of our car or house. The amount of money we can access gives us choices… but this is outside of happiness or fulfilment.
Lotto Pain
Do you see complete joy in say, two years after someone has ‘won’ the lottery? No, they have spent it all; now they may have a fractured marital relationship and their ‘friends’ all resent them.
Do you see the world’s richest people jumping up and down with constant unremitting joy? No, they do enjoy the alternatives and worry less (perhaps) about money, but they mostly continue to work hard. If you could ask each and every one of the rich and famous, and if they are honest… they will share they are still searching for.. .something.
*Panto voices*…It’s inside you!
If you want to learn why; if you want to learn how to ‘know’, this is available. Are you willing to move away from “go compare”, stop wanting and find your inner peace? It is available; are you curious? Call or write to me for more.
Bob Brotchie is a counsellor, mindset consultant and creator of "Conscious Living by Design"™. He writes for Anglia Counselling, is featured on various other websites and introduces us to many guest writers all covering topics related to mental health and wellbeing.
Bob provides bespoke counselling services to individuals and couples in the privacy and comfort of a truly welcoming environment at his Anglia Counselling company office, located near Newmarket in Suffolk, England. Bob also provides professional online counselling, for local, national, and international clients. The therapeutic models offered are bespoke to the client’s needs, especially those in receipt of 'childhood emotional neglect' (CEN), whilst integrating a mindful approach to psychotherapy and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) principles. For clients experiencing trauma and/or phobia, Bob offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing).