10 Strategies for Coping with Difficult Emotions
Penni shares with us some useful strategies for coping with strong, negative emotions when they arise, and also suggestions for maintaining inner calm so that when difficult feelings do appear, they are less challenging to sit with and can be used appropriately in guiding us towards that which may need to be addressed.
Emotions
Emotions are a vital part of what makes us human; they are our guides and motivators and are essential in helping us navigate the world. They tell us what we do and don’t like and what we need. Sometimes, however, they can be powerful and overwhelming. Here are ten ways to cope with, and manage, intense feelings:
1. Name It
Recognizing and naming our feelings can help us manage them better by creating a bit of space between ourselves and the emotion, making it easier to be objective. Mentally stepping away a little and acknowledging that we’re having a feeling – perhaps anger, sadness, despair, anxiety – can help to detach from it, making it less likely we’ll feel overwhelmed.
2. Ground
Grounding techniques work like a fire-extinguisher, dampening the intensity of the flames of powerful emotion. Techniques include:
- Focusing on the breath
- Noticing the ground beneath our feet and our connection to it
- Checking in with our surroundings; naming what we see
- Inhaling a refreshing scent, such as citrus
- Feeling something with a soothing texture
- Splashing the face with cold water
3. Get Moving
Physical activity is a really great way to manage strong emotions. A brisk walk or any other form of exercise will boost endorphin production which, in turn, helps to boost mood. Emotions create a lot of energy, so doing things that burn some of that off makes it easier to manage how we feel.
4. Reframe
Difficult emotions can trigger negative thoughts – and vice versa. If we’re suitably grounded, it can be good practice to notice and examine any unhelpful thoughts and challenge them:
- Is this thought fact?
- Is it reasonable?
- Are there any other possible interpretations?
5. Express
Whilst some emotions are certainly challenging, trying to suppress them can make them linger and possibly even increase their intensity. Learning to express how we feel in healthy ways helps to reduce the potency of difficult emotions. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend or relative, doing something creative or listening to music are all ways to express ourselves and can help to prevent negative emotions from escalating.
6. Relaxation Training
It can be difficult to relax when we are experiencing high levels of emotional arousal. Having a preventative measure in place, such as a relaxation regime, similar to one we may have with exercise, can help maintain inner calm, making it less likely that we will move out of our ‘window of tolerance’. Relaxation exercises could include breathing techniques, progressive muscle relaxation (PMR), yoga, visualisation and spending time in nature.
Relaxation training can make difficult emotions easier to tolerate
7. Boundaries
Lacking boundaries can cause significant emotional distress. We may experience anxiety, guilt or resentment when we struggle to decline others’ demands. Saying ‘no’ takes practice, but we can start small, with situations where the stakes are low. We can say ‘no’ in so many ways and still be respectful and guilt free. Something like: “Thank you for considering me, but I’m fully committed right now” could work.
8. Self-Compassion
Would we talk to our friend the way we sometimes talk to ourselves? Probably not! Many of us carry an inner-critic around with us that can become noisier when we’re experiencing tough feelings. We may berate or devalue ourselves, but this only serves to make us feel worse. Instead, we can try gentle curiosity:
- What is this experience?
- What’s needed in this moment? A hug, fresh air, a nap, a warm drink?
Being kind to ourselves can help soothe us and reduce the intensity of our experience.
9. Mindfulness
Mindfulness involves bringing all our attention to the present moment, without judgement. Simply observing without engaging with our thoughts and judgments about a situation creates space for us to see things with more clarity and rationality.
10. STOP!
‘STOP’ is an acronym for:
Stop!
Take a step back
Observe
Proceed effectively
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
This DBT skill can be very effective when emotions are running high. It acts as a prompt for a psychological time out, creating a bit of space so we can decide how to respond, rather than react, to how we are feeling. Using STOP, or, in fact, any word or sentence that brings us into the present, can help avoid reactions that may be regretted later.
Our Services
Our posts are created to provide useful and supportive information, covering a variety of relevant topics. If anything you have read here resonates and you would like to explore working one-to-one with either Bob Brotchie or Penni Osborn, please do get in touch.
Our therapy rooms in Kentford, Newmarket, Suffolk CB8 are a comfortable and judgment-free place to meet where we offer warm, confidential counselling and therapy support. If you are unable to meet in person, we can offer the same service online, anywhere in the world, via secure platforms such as Zoom or Google Meet.
If you’d like to know more, visit our FAQ’s or contact us for an informal chat – without obligation – to see how we may be able to help.
