Anxiety: What Lies Behind (Part 1)
In a series of three posts, we share knowledge of some of the underlying reasons for anxiety. Taken from different schools of psychology as well as her own anecdotal experience, we introduce some fundamental perspectives on where anxiety may originate, so that those who endure can add a ‘because’ to their experience, opening up the opportunity to heal the cause and so reduce anxiety.
Drivers
In the school of psychotherapy called Transactional Analysis (or TA for short) it is suggested that for most of us, our autonomy is under the influence of a concept known as ‘Drivers’. Drivers are said to develop during childhood and are the internalized messages of our parents or caregivers that we learned in order to stay feeling ok. Because these messages were absorbed very early on, they tend to be quite deeply rooted and often outside of our conscious awareness, but it is possible to notice them through our behaviours. There are five Drivers in total. Here’s what they look like:
Be Perfect –I must always get things right and can’t relax unless everything is in it’s proper place
Try Hard –I should always do my best to try hard and have a go at things (but often get bored or frustrated)
Be Strong –I must always be strong and not show my emotions
Please Others –I must always do what others want me to do, even if it’s at my own expense
Hurry Up –I should be able to do lots of things all at once and as quickly as possible
How Might Drivers Contribute to Anxiety?
Stress and anxiety follow when we’re unable to fulfil the behaviour demand of the Driver. Events that challenge our Driver behaviour such as making a mistake (Be Perfect), being seen to show vulnerability (Be Strong) or doing something that doesn’t make others happy (Please Others) can cause us to feel unsettled, maybe even fearful. We feel ‘not ok’ which may then lead us to make unhelpful interpretations of the event (I’m a failure, others will think I’m weak) or negative future predictions (others won’t like me, I’ll lose my job) which leave us vulnerable to anxiety.
Awareness and Compassion
Whilst our Driver (or Drivers – we may notice we have more than one) can be useful at times, it’s important to step out of them sometimes and employ our own self-agency. If we are able to become aware of our Driver we can take steps to practice alternative, more compassionate ways of being, such as giving ourselves permission to be ok even if we’re not perfect all the time, we please ourselves sometimes, can be vulnerable, pace ourselves and take our time. We can allow our thoughts to ‘simply be’ without engaging with them and thus give ourselves a good chance of keeping those anxious feelings at bay.
Bob Brotchie is a counsellor, mindset consultant and creator of "Conscious Living by Design"™. He writes for Anglia Counselling, a company he founded in 2012, is featured on various other websites and introduces us to many guest writers all covering topics related to mental health and wellbeing.
Bob provides bespoke counselling services to individuals and couples in the privacy and comfort of a truly welcoming environment at his Anglia Counselling company office, located near Newmarket in Suffolk, England. Bob also provides professional online counselling, for local, national, and international clients. The therapeutic models offered are bespoke to the client’s needs, especially those in receipt of 'childhood emotional neglect' (CEN), whilst integrating a mindful approach to psychotherapy and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) principles, those becoming ever more important for those with neurodivergent traits. For clients experiencing trauma and/or phobia, Bob offers EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing).